As I endured some pretty big changes in my own personal life that effect me and those around me that I love. The only way to truly move forward with grace and faith was to embrace my faults and use them as stepping-stones to a better place. This is my theory…
“Failure is the prerequisite to success” in times past I would do anything in my power to cover my faults, pretend everything is perfect and in the process not learn a damn thing because in my own little world everything was peachy, so their wasn’t anything to learn. Id pray day in and day out wondering why I was always forgotten? Why were others around me moving forward and being blessed with answered prayers and their mine sat in the sky like lingering pollution? I didn’t get it until I made movement. Until I faced fears and started doing things for myself and being part of that process.
It wasn’t until I learned to embrace my mistakes and show movement within those failures to not do it again. Lesson learned and what can I do to be better. Their is not a person on this earth who hasn’t endured making mistakes. If you took three people who are super influential you will find they aired their dirty laundry and not in a way to expose themselves in a negative way. But to let their mistakes be transparent not only to others but themselves to get a clear picture of what can be done different next time to receive a more positive outcome.
It wasn’t until I lost everything that I sat back and really paid attention to the process that got me there. Instead of pointing the finger and blaming others I took it upon myself to really focus on what part of this mess did I play a significant role in my own destruction. That is growth… When you can sit and one, admit to being the problem but then redeem yourself and be your own hero, that’s when shit gets real! I took that opportunity of embarrassment and vulnerability to start over from nothing. I was homeless, no job, no money, without my children, had lost every single belonging I owned. Clothes, memories, pictures, friends and family. All I had left was myself and the one, The one that I could turn to with no prejudice, just a place to crumble and say i’m sorry. It was GOD. He was their! I didn’t have to wait for him to accept my friend request. I didn’t have to wait for him to text me back or follow me on instagram. He wasn’t stalling on giving me his snapchat or meeting me at coolest place in town. He was their! Faithfully day in and day out able to pick me up and serve as a mirror and when I wanted to look away he held it steady forcing me to feel his love and in the process LOOK AT MYSELF!
Movement in that moment can be so many things. It’s about getting up and being proactive in your success not just your survival. Its filling out that job application or making that dreaded phone call or saying sorry to someone you hurt. Your work and movement forward is GOD working in your life. That’s when I saw things in a light I had never seen. My career took off, My health got better, My life in general where once was a battle ground of chaos was one day at a time slowly but surely was becoming something I could step back and say, “I did it”
All this time I was waiting for his miracle. For GOD to grant these wishes and prayers to be answered. The part I was missing is I was part of the miracle the whole time.
2 Corinthians 3:18
“So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord–who is the Spirit–makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”
In order for me to get where I needed to be I need to be part of that transformation one baby step at a time. I needed to not control the situation and try to do it all alone and I needed to not expect he was going to do it for me I needed to help and make MOVEMENT! If you are at a place in life where your alone and at rock bottom, even though right now in this moment its the worst most scary place you will ever be. One day you can learn to be thankful for that empty cold place like I am because it was that very freezing ground that was under me when I stood up and decided I wasn’t going anywhere but up and i’d have GOD at my side.
Together we made the changes I needed to make to be a better person. A person that I would be proud to call a friend, a wife and a mother. A person that people could come to covered in mud and sin and still feel loved and respected because I have been their. I hope this reaches someone who needs to know your never truly alone. That there is always purpose behind the problems and that you can make it better with the help of GOD. You can have all your wishes granted and prayers answered by doing the most simple thing you could ever imagine…
FAITH, In yourself and in GOD.
“Though the season’s change your love remains”
Love always,
Caroline